dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize