Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i love accidental penises.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
