He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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