I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
