he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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