I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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