some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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