Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
