Can i not drive my cunt home
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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