So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
