Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
