I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
