Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
