She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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