come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
