i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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