Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
