we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
