i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
