It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
