found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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