I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
