And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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