he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
