i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
