Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
