im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
