The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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