my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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