My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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