I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
