she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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