Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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