I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
