u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
