I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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