Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
