my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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