So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
