just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
