Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
