I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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