The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
third nipple confirmed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
