you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
