Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Come on in and take your pants off
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