We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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