apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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