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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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