did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
