tell your sister to shave her snatch
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i will never coherently bang her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
