My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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