He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
